So was able to made my main account for my diary since this one is just a second account of my photoblog and hope you can also follow this url too. Here it is: http://loveelisha.tumblr.com/
For the past couple of days, I really felt so uncomfy that I really dunno why I really felt that way. I am on doubt on something that I should never be. Disappointments could never let me down, but at that moment I am not really feeling that good.
(photo belongs to the rightful owner)
“I had to allow myself to let the sadness wash over me. I had to lose hope in order to find it again, and I did find it again. A broken heart will take you down if you surrender to it, it will convince you that no one is worth the risk. But that’s not right, even though this heartbreak was especially brutal for reasons I still am trying to understand, it was worth the risk. Yes I miss him tremendously, yes I wish that he was still a part of my life, yes I am saddened by the loss, yes I am angry with him for hurting me, yes my wasted heart will continue to care for him more than he probably deserves but it taught me that you can’t help all that.
Some people build you up just to bend and break you. Some people bring out parts of you that you had no clue existed. All throughout life we meet people and every single one of them brings something to us, gives us some sort of purpose. We come across people that will hurt us so incredibly much that it seems unbearable to go on with our lives, but the truth is; We can overcome anything we want to if we believe in it enough, if we have faith in ourselves, in who we are. Each experience we go through in life is a lesson to be learned.
….at the end, You have to have hope that love in all it’s many forms will reveal itself to you when the time is right.”
but yeah, I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW.
For those who don’t know,
When my friends and I, started Emerald Singers in 2009, we had no idea that we could really be going until today. We had planned to commit this ministry for over the years. Well, the Lord has really that good plans for us. We did concerts and sing for the glory of the Lord on other random events.
But you know, struggles, obstacles, quarrels really happened that really broke this strong bond of girls cannot be controlled. It really sound so bad and you know I just can’t really hide the sadness that i felt when slowly, someone did separate in our group for some reasons. For whatever reasons is that, I know its all for good.
The group is still existing til now with 2 other girls and me. I sing as tenor, my two other companions sings alto and soprano or melody.
I really miss this group a lot! How I wish we could really be seeing each other again pretty soon, to sing once again as a group and be praising God on His name!
It’s been years that I’m not into writing for I have no inspiration at all. HAHA. Life gets boring, messy and my full attention was on my work, on my singing career and for the other things (stuffs) that makes my life so complicated before. Yeah, I lost on track, seems to be like that.
Words - never left unsaid. It takes so much courage and strength to take some pockets of space and time to wait for the opportunity, for us to say those words that we should never left unspoken.
Remember the time that you were alone with someone you cared for? You felt so uncomfy, your heart pumps so fast that you can’t even control it. That magical moment that you want to say those words that you longed to tell. But you just too shy and tend to hold back. But you are afraid that one day you’ll be regretting that you did not speak those words out? And that moment will be gone forever?
I’ve been through such feeling when i was still at my younger years. ♥ Craziness, immaturity has filled me so much but I myself can never explain why. Maybe that’s part of the (growth, emotional disturbance ) change that almost anyone can ever experience. AHHAA! Never like to mention a name though. Its way long ago already.
(photo belongs to the rightful owner)
Okay, there was this someone whom I cared for a quite sometime. Yeah, we’ve been so close since then when one of our closest friends did past away (of accident). It was never caught in my anima (way back then) that I was going to gain such strange feelings towards him on that period of time. I felt so uncomfortable and I felt so bad about it. And covering your feelings is kinda tough to handle. Without minding it, you find yourself blushing when you catch him on sight.
Days and months goes by, that self mournings, affection and insanity i’ve been through boost me a little courage to tell about that soon. Then one day he told me that he finally met that girl to be his girlfriend, (itchybreakyheart? naaah! its abnormal). In addition, he said that we can’t hangout most of time because he will be with his gf most of the time after school. uhmmmm, I must be understanding enough, you know. Friends are friends, and it must be like that.
Four months to wait till I graduate in my high school years, so it means we will be apart after that then. My feelings is getting deeper and deeper and I am not comfortable being with him nor to see him in school. I can’t take it anymore. I just want to hide somewhere and never bother myself from such feeling that troubled me all the time. But common friends and school activities was always the reason on our meet ups. Tsk tsk.
(It’s a long story to tell, lets make it short. HAHA) Until that time when I find that courage and strength to say those words without minding what would be the aftermath on that confession. Then after school and those lots and lots of activities and props to finish, i told him that we should meet somewhere because i really have something to tell. Its now or never! Yay! we really did meet on that place! (Let’s not make it descriptive for what are those lines i’ve been said.) I find myself crying and crying because of that confession. My body was shaking, my heart beats so fast. I never mind what would I do that after that. Unexpectedly, he just smile at me and give such a big and tight hug. (….and many things happened after that…..).
Hahah! don’t misinterpret what am trying to say. You know it takes so much courage for a girl to confess to a boy. Since its uncommon because guys don’t really have expectations on how a girl should reveal her feelings. But that’s the only thing I know that would make myself more better and comfy towards the day after next. HAHAH. That simple.
Yeah, we’ve been good (best) friends till now. And we just laugh thinking about it. LOLS!
Never give up on something you really want. It’s difficult to wait, but worse to regret.
I never really had a good nightmare today, sometimes dreams are so scary that you thank God that you really wake up at that moment. When i turned my eyes opened, i then feel immediate relief and then lingering sense of unease. Its not only once that that i dreamt someone special to me died on my dream, but you know you would be wondering or you might be curious of what that dream means all about. For the reason of curiosity i really did search some answers over the net if i should need to be worry about those dreams. Then i found answers in yahoo stated this way - “When you dream that a person close to you dies, you are showing yourself just how much that person means to you, and how you would feel if they were to not be in your life. Don’t buy too much into those who say this could be a prediction, it simply isn’t true. Dreams are merely a manifestation of a combination of thoughts that you have both consciously and unconsciously. While, yes, it may seem just as intense and realistic as real life, you must keep in mind that no matter how strong the sensation was, it indeed was not real life.“
That words made me feel better at some point. I should not have been thinkin’ all about it all the time but give more attention to what’s in reality, right? But always reminding myself that how a person truly be so special to me.
(photo belongs to the rightful owner)
Oh well, some feelings cannot be put into words, and am not really good at it as well. But I know, i always forget to thank God for every wake from a deep sleep is just another sign that I am loved by Him that He will never leave my love ones to be at mourn when I am gone. And I felt so sorry about it everytime I forget to kneel my knees in prayer to thank Him for everything.
Wake up every morning with the thought that something wonderful is about to happen. Concentrate on how good if feels to be alive. No matter what. Just to see the color of the sky, just to smell the air, and feel the wind in your face because in the end, it’ll be okay.
When I’m with you I feel like a star. The sky is so near, I can touch with my fingertips. Everything seems possible whenever I’m with you my love. I can dance in the sky and play with the stars. You awakened my emotions that have been sleeping. I can not believe I had in me. I am totally in your mercy sweetheart. You amazed me by arousing my passionate feelings. I thought I was a maiden made of ice.
As the days go by, your love for me shows me the way and explore the world of love. Your love makes me stronger everyday. It’s you I think when I went to sleep at night. It’s you on my mind when I embrace the morning light. You are physically away from me yet your heart feels so close to me.
(photo belongs to the rightful owner)
The presence of your love and care surrounds every corner of my heart. Our distance never hinder to us for reaching each others hearts. Our spirit never leaves each by our side. It’s hard to be far apart, but with you we’ve always done our part. You make it easy for me by showing I’m the only one in your heart. I’m completely yours body and soul. And when my body turns to dust, it would still be you I would love.In this life beyond, I love you langga.
(credits to: lovelandia.com)
Just a few moments ago, i found this scratched of paper that I used to write on about love that was in my treasure box. It was dated March 11, 2003 around 10:00 to 11:58pm and was written this way ———
A friend told me that, “love is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it eludes you, but if you just let it fly, it comes back to you unexpectedly.” Wonderful! Isn’t it? Only destiny can tell if you are meant to be one. True love waits. Don’t be aggressive just stay cool and unruffled.
Hurt is part of love. For sometimes failures is beyond our control. But it is in pain that we gain strength and absorbing those heartaches just a vestige of life. Time will heal the wounded heart. Remember, “love is like a thief in the night, it can steal your heart and will soon claim it as his own.” So, don’t worry, someone is is set for you. Just take time to sleep at night.
“Love me for a reason, let the reason be love”, this is a famous line from a song. Take its serious emotion. Don’t treat it as a plaything. Each of us deserves true love and respect. So let it be, let it be an unconditional love.
“I love you”. These three words can change one’s life forever. It’s the sweetest expression one would love to hear. There may be different ways to say it, but sincerity speaks for its trueness.
So whatever you’re feeling right now. Go on and make the most out of it.